Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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