I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
