My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
