life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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