So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
