Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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