There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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