you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
