nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
