One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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