I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
