My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
