And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
