I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
