So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
