Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
