id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
