ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
