you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Enjoy the penises
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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