you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
