You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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