I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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