I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Let's paint friendship bongs
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
