2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
