6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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