We're facebook friends in real life
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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