Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
