Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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