So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
