bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
