Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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