i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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