if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Your penis caused this!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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