note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You ruined the universe
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
