She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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