Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
