I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
