you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
