I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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