at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Houston, we have a blender
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
