I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
