if you like me you must not know who I am
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
