I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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