Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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