Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
