I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
