the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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