Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
