I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
