i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
