Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
