"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
