that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We need to get me chipped asap
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
