Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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